Yesterday was Rain's 'should-have-been 1st Birthday' (her due date was 1 year ago yesterday). I picked strawberry for her birthday cake with white frosting. Bear wanted Beef Stroganoff for dinner. Star made the cake while I went to get groceries for the dinner. The cake was stubborn and came out in pieces. When I got back with groceries, Star had to go out and get another cake mix. That cake came out perfect and so did dinner.
I thought that Rain needed something else besides just a cake and dinner, so I tried making her a card. Nothing felt right though so I quite trying. I also wanted to get her a book but Bear said that we already had PLENTY of books for us to read to the kids. He is right, we do have A LOT of books. I just felt that as a Mom, I should by our kids presents and birthday cards. I should celebrate their special days. I should go all out to show how much I love them, like all parents do!!!!
But what do you get for an Angel???? No matter what you get for them, they can't use it. You can't buy them toys because they will never be able to play with them. You can't buy books because they will never read them. You can't buy clothes because they will never wear them. You can't give them food because they can't eat.
The holidays and their special days really remind you how empty you are and what you lost with their leaving!!!! Birthday's should be moments of celebration, laughter, family, presents, music, food, fun. When you are celebrating one for an Angel though, there really is nothing. There are no visits or phone calls from family members, no opening of presents, no opening of birthday cards, no balloons, no blowing out the candles. NO NOTHING!!!! No matter how special you try to make it, no matter how special you want it to be, the birthday Angel is not there with you and it just feels empty!!!!
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