30-Day Grief Challenge Day #2

Since I will be busy all day tomorrow, I decided I would also do Day #2 today as well.

Day #2 Stillborn

What is the meaning behind your name?

Dear Little Man,  

When I was about 18 years old, I was sitting in church one Sunday and as I was sitting there, my 'spiritual eyes' saw a littleblonde headed boy around 2 years old crawling down the bench.  My mind called out "M you get back here."  The little boy stopped, turned his head to look back at me, shook his head 'no' and continued to crawl away from me. I was in mild shock but I fell head over heals in love with that imp of a boy.  I loved him and I wanted him above everything.  From that moment on, I held on tight to the hopeful promise that I would one day have that blonde headed boy named M, and guess what???  I DID, just not in the way I wanted.  

Day #2 Miscarriage

I  was hoping you were a boy or a girl?

Dear Rain,

I was hoping above all that you would be a girl.  In the same 'vision' that I met Little Man,  I met you as well.  As Little Man continued down the church pew after I asked him to come back (and he told me 'no'),  'I' couldn't go after him because I was holding a little baby girl in my arms.  She was about 3 months old and was sound asleep.  She was wearing a beautiful white dress and I saw the name A written above her in pink cursive writing.  Just as I did with Little Man, I fell in love with the baby girl in my arms.  I too wanted her and hoped she would be in my physical arms very soon.  

Dear Monkey,

Since your Aunt Star and I are twins, I was hoping one day that I would have a set of twins, but a girl/boy this time.  Twins also run heavily on your Papa Bears side so the odds were pretty good.  The day after I lost you and found out that I was really pregnant with twins, it was bittersweet to know that my dream came true, just not in the way I had planned.  

Dear Cub,

I was hoping that you were a boy to complete my girl/boy twin dream.  When I found out that you were indeed in me, I was SOOOO HAPPY!!!!  My heart broke when a few minutes later, I found out I had lost you too.