30-Day Grief Challenge Day #3

Stillborn Challenge Day #3

Teddies and Toys?

Dear Little Man,
The only stuffed animal you have is your stuffed doggy Patches.  That's alright though because he is VERY special and cherished by your Daddy and I.  Five days before I lost you, your Aunt Star and Aunt K1 and I went to a mall and made you an ADORABLE stuffed dog at Build-A-Bear.  The dog has raggedy fur in white and brown patches (there is even a patch that looks like a heart).  Both Daddy and I adored Patches and couldn't wait for you to love him too.

When we lost you, Patches became even more important and needed by us.  We both took turns clinging to him at the hospital.  I clung to him after we left with empty arms.  For an entire month after you left, he was in our arms wherever we were.  When we weren't holding him, he was on a shelf in our room with the box of your ashes in his lap.  When we lost Rain, Monkey and Cub, they too got special stuffed animals (lamb, pterodactyl and bear respectively) and they joined Patches, either in our arms or on the shelf.


I will truly be heartbroken if there ever comes a day when Patches, Spring, Happy Hawkie and Carmel are too warn out to hold.









Miscarriage Challenge Day #3

My first Mommy Planning?


Dear Rain,
I think the first thing I began planning for you was your baby shower.  I didn't have a baby shower for Little Man (I don't even know if I would have gotten one if he had lived) and I always wanted one.  I was thinking about how to correlate Little Man into it.  I also planned to have rainbows (because you were our rainbow baby).  I was thinking what games we would play and who would be there, what I would put on my baby registry.  Planning your baby shower gave me something happy to think about besides missing Little Man.


Dear Monkey,
The first thing I planned for you was your newborn photo session (I would really have to talk your Papa Bear into having one).  I already planned on getting you a few onesies that said "hand picked by my siblings in Heaven" and "I am the rainbow after the storm".  I thought about other themes the pictures would show and looked into the popular knitted hats and other props.  I couldn't WAIT to have you here and be able to take these photos.


Dear Cub,
I'm so saddened that I didn't know about you long enough to do anything besides pray "PLEASE BE OK!!!"  It was only a few minutes between I heard "There is another baby and I think I see a heartbeat" to "I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat."  I could have easily added you to the newborn photo shoot I was planning for Monkey.  I wished you could have at least stayed.



Wherever They Are, Our Love Will Follow!!!

Love Mommy!!!!!