Meeting Little Man and Rain

As I said in the previous post (My Story), all I have ever wanted in life is to be a mother.  I have been waiting, longing, praying and aching to be a mother since I was 4 years old. I did all I could to lessen the aching by playing with dolls, doing lot's of babysitting and spending every second I could with my 2 nieces.  All of these things helped, but the moment the activity ended, my aching would just be louder and the emptiness in my arms grew heavier.  It physically hurt to not have children of my own.

When I was around 20 years old, I was sitting in church one Sunday, when my spiritual eyes noticed a little boy crawling around the bench beside me.  He looked to be about 2 years old (maybe slightly younger) with bright blonde hair and big dark blue eyes.  I noticed the boy crawling away from me and my mind called out "Little Man, You get back here!"  The boy stopped, looked back at me, shook his head 'no' and continued to crawl away.  I tried to go after him but something held me back.  I looked down and saw a baby girl sleeping in my arms.  She looked to be about 3 months old.  She was wearing a long beautiful white dress.  She had the cutest chubby cheeks and looked liked like an angel. I noticed the name 'Rain' written above her in pink cursive. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her.  She also felt so good in my arms.  Holding 'Rain' was heaven for my empty arms.  After a few moments I looked up to see where Little Man was but he had disappeared.  I then looked down for 'Rain' but she was gone as well.  

The experience lasted for maybe 30 seconds but I will NEVER forget what I saw and how I felt.  I had many questions and had many feelings going through my mind and heart.  I knew that experience didn't physically happen but my spirit and heart could not deny that it was real.  The next questions revolved around Little Man and Rain.  Who were they?  Why was I allowed to meet them? Are they my future children?  Most importantly, would I ever see them again?  I sure hoped so.  I loved Little Man and Rain above everything.  Even though I only knew them for a few seconds, my spirit and heart wanted those two children more then anything.

Luckily I saw them many more times over the years and grew to love them even more with each visit.  I saw them at different ages (mostly though Little Man came to me as a 7 year old and Rain as a 5 year old).  I got to know their personalities and their quirks.  Little Man was headstrong, loyal, always told the truth, mischievous, curious, fun and an awesome big brother to Rain.  Although his stubbornness, curiosity and mischievousness always got him into trouble, I couldn't wait for him to be my son.  Rain was 1,000% a Daddy's girl.  I was blessed to have Rain as my daughter though.

I will continue their stories in other posts, but just know that I was the happiest person alive when I discovered I was pregnant with Little Man and Rain.  When I lost them, my world shattered into millions of pieces.