Capture Your Grief 2016 Day #1 SUNRISE DEDICATION

This morning starts Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.  To help spread the word and to share with you my experiences with my own 4 losses, I will be taking part in a daily photography challenge called Capture Your Grief.

Capture Your Grief 2016 DAY 1: SUNRISE DEDICATION

Here is a picture of this morning's sun.  Star and I went outside this morning at 6:30 to watch the 7:05 sunrise here in Columbia Missouri. The clouds ended up being way too thick to see the sun, but we did get some pretty pictures.

Sunrises brought me much comfort during my healing.  It showed me that I made it through another dark night (both literally and figuratively).  The most memorable sunrise I remember happened 3 weeks after Little Man was born still at 24weeks.  I was driving to visit Star who was going to school 2 hours away. I started my drive before sunrise.  I was still heavily grieving Little Man and had many 'miss him' and endurance songs on my phones play list.

As the sun was starting to break through the horizon in front of me, a song called 'Hold On' by Michael McLean (a religious singer) came on my phone.  Here are the lyrics

The message of this moment is so clear;
And as certain as the rising of the sun.
If your world is filled with darkness doubt and fear,
Just hold on, Hold on; the light will come.
Ev'ryone who's ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory's won.
And those who've been in darkness for a while
Kneel much longer when the light has come.

It's a lesson ev'ry one of us must learn;
That the answers never come without a fight.
And when it seems you've struggled far too long,
Just hold on, hold on; there will be light.

Hold on. Hold on. The light will come.

When you feel trapped inside a never-ending night.
If you've forgotten how it feels to feel the light,
If you're half crazy thinking you're the only one
Who's afraid the light will never really come

Just hold on. Hold on! The light will come.

The message of this moment is so clear;
And as certain as the rising of the sun.
If your world is filled with darkness doubt and fear.
Just hold on, hold on, the light will come

Those lyrics, music and that sunrise is just what I needed at that moment to remind me that although I felt like I was in darkness, the light would be coming in my life again.

I had a lot more opportunities to see the sunrise after I lost Rain at 6weeks.  At the time, Bear and I lived 90 minutes away from Bear's work.  The stress of his job and the recent loss of Rain and the loss of Little Man just 31/2 months before, caused MAJOR stress on Bear where literally all he would do was work or sleep.  It got so bad that I had to drive him to and from work while he slept in the passenger seat.  We would leave the house at 5AM, drop him off at work at 6:30AM and then I would drive home from 6:30 to around 8AM (to pick him up, I would leave at 2PM, get there at 3:30 and get home around 5).

I saw countless sunrises during those drives and each one reminded me to Hold On!!!!
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